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Inside Myself

by Helen Trevillion

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1.
Ivory 02:23
Softly, softly Fingers seeking Keys within a shifting sea Somewhere they will never find me Secret wrapped in ivory And I am white and black and moving Inside, outside, in between Beauty found when no one's listening All this meant for only me Here where I am loved Here where I am needed Here where I am beautiful And I am every sound and silence Secret born in ivory Somewhere they will never find me Somewhere they will never see Here where I am loved Here where I am needed Here where I am beautiful I am stillness forged in motion Courage carved in ivory
2.
3.
Lost inside dreamers' hallways Out of sight through secret doorways
4.
The year crept by in shadows, Oh it seems so long ago. Lost in numb reflection, She was waiting for the snow. It's a long way home when you've strayed so far. She shed her wings and threw herself Into the storm outside, Ashamed of all the hopes she'd failed; The tears she couldn't hide. The rain wasn't cold enough to remind her she could feel, And life isn't long enough to be waiting, waiting... She met a boy who claimed to Understand why she hurt He reeled her in with fairy tales; She swallowed every word. But it was all too fast; all too crazy to last. She called it love, but it was just An empty shell she found Too frail to catch the mesh of dreams That spiralled to the ground It's a long way down when you've flown so high Life just isn't long enough to keep waiting, waiting... Waiting for the snow To hide the tears away Frozen desert white To camouflage the grey Waiting for the snow But tomorrow's still alive - If you're waiting for the snow You won't see it rise (Waiting... waiting...) Now even when she's lonely there's a light that always shines 'Cause there's music in the silence if you look between the lines When autumn turns to winter as it did so long ago She'll seal away that memory of waiting for the snow
5.
Oh I wore so many masks Before I learned to be me And I showed so many frowns Playing the fragile casualty I watched them dancing from a distance So sure I'd never be free So fiercely protective of Some darker shade of me Looking back I see that these Were stepping stones over the sea Cos all the tears that stained my face Were doorways to a better place (We just hold on.) Keys are hidden from our sight But we find them when we fall Pick ourselves up off the floor See secret windows in the wall And I swear everything we wanna be We already are Just gotta find those hidden keys Just gotta find them, oh - When rainy days seem much too long And everything's just going wrong Somedays we can barely crawl We're learning to be beautiful And time unwinds the aching hearts Heals the smiles that come apart All the tears that stain your face Are doorways to a better place So just hold on So just hold on Just hold on Just hold on Just hold on Just hold on
6.
My Winter 04:27
Winter wakes from a dream cast in opaline Where summer lies like a ghost in our memories And our world, darker now, wears a humble grace My winter, so quietly alive Silhouettes of the trees dress the sky in lace Across a watery sun melting through the haze And as I walk I feel the buzz of electric cold On my skin, I drink it in, I drink it in, and now - I am walking alone, down the same worn street That strangers walk down, alone, without a word to me The brief exchange of a smile as we pass each other by A sweet exchange of sweet belonging And in the faces of those who we know so well Gentle warmth brought to life in the numb pearl-grey And we don't need to speak, only listen to the world Poetic world - there is nothing more than this And in these moments we breathe this simplicity Discover fragments of love half-remembered, when All we knew was the sound of her heart beating And it said, "you are loved, you are safe, you are safe." So here I am, and here we are, here to do our part To figure out who we are, what we have to give And with our words sew the sound of her heart beating And let it sing, "you are loved, you are safe, you are loved."
7.
Been a little down Been a little quiet Words keep stickin' in my mouth Been a little lost I've been a little tired Just give me time to figure this one out Maybe we could go Somewhere alone Just sit and just talk about anything Someplace where all my questions mean nothing Oh nothing nothing at all Been a little shy A little faraway Tryin' to hide what's on my mind Lookin' out for signs In all your hidden smiles Tryin' to get myself realigned My eyes are like Half-written letters to you All my questions fallin' to nothin' No answers in your eyes You keep them out of sight Where no one can find them Been a little low I wanted you to know That I'm almost afraid to be near you I'm feeling so confused Unsure of what you'll say You're so quiet I can almost hear you thinkin' Why are you so kind? I've left my shields behind And I feel so fragile There's a place where all my questions mean nothing And that is where you are No answers in your eyes You keep them out of sight No map to show me the way There's a place where all my questions mean nothing And that is where you are
8.
We're not perfect We're finding out who we are We're not there yet And maybe we'll be travelling forever but it- It's no matter It's the journey we're living for So put your hand here in mine We're better when we're traveling together, oh- Down the river Over the waterfalls one by one One by one We're not perfect But we try so hard We're still children But we're taller standing on each other's shoulders, you know- We're not here long There's a whole world to figure out So cry your eyes out And don't be afraid to feel everything We're so fragile And we're so strong Don't look back now You're already moving on Down the river Over the waterfalls one by one Down the river Over the waterfalls one by one Down the river Into the sea where we began There's no reason to be scared. Down the river Over the waterfalls one by one One by one One by one One by one
9.
She's an uncharted island No one's ever been Faraway in a secret garden No one's ever seen Faraway in a secret garden No one's ever seen Faraway in a secret garden No one's ever seen There's a piece of her garden Floating in her eyes Where she goes when she dreams Where she's a butterfly Where she goes when she dreams Where she's a butterfly Did you know she can fly? Did you know she's a faerie child? Where are your wings, sweet butterfly? How did you learn to fly so high? And the face in the mirror Oh it's not her own But she closes her eyes And she sees all the worlds she's flown She closes her eyes And she sees all the worlds she's flown Oh she closes her eyes... Faraway in a secret garden Faraway in a secret garden No one's ever seen...
10.
Will You 04:03
If I fall, will you carry me, 'Til I'm standing firm again? If I'm down, will you fight for me, 'Til I'm holding my own ground? If I'm lost, will you clear the mists until I'm found And take me home again? If I cry, will you dry my tears? Show me everything's all right. If I'm tired of it all, will you let me lean on you 'Til I reach the other side? If I run, will you follow me? Never lose me from your sight. If I'm scared, will you comfort me just like my mother did? Hold me oh so close. If I'm blind, will you, Will you take me to the light And teach me how to see? If I offer myself to you, Will you take me as I am? If I'm willing to be all that I can be, for you, Don't ever hold me down. Don't ever hold me down.
11.
Heaven Hides 04:16
Heaven hides here In strangers' eyes And in the warmth pressed between Lovers' hands In children's smiles Down marriage aisles And all the greatest words that No one really knows how to say Heaven hides here In the cold silence Of burning tears running Down her cheeks That slip through fingers Grasping at nothing, oh nothing And maybe nothing is what she needs There's a smile There's a smile Only waiting for her lips to shape it Heaven hides Heaven hides Only waiting for her heart to find it Heaven hides here In broken promises His mourning darkness Joy forgotten, direction lost Here in night's last breath Heaven lies flickering Between threads of sorrow And there's a path There's a path Only waiting for his weary feet to walk it Heaven hides Heaven hides Only waiting for his heart to find it Heaven hides Heaven hides Only waiting for our hands Heaven hides Heaven hides Only waiting for our hands Heaven hides Heaven hides Only waiting for our hands to take it Heaven hides here In strangers' eyes And in the warmth pressed between Lovers' hands
12.
13.
Shine 04:01
Blue shadows on the sun Why do all my dreams feel so So worthless in these hands? I only want to shine Bright enough to be Be remembered tomorrow And I feel this Broken heart cry out again for mercy Here in all of this confusion I wish that I could teach my soul How to smile The skies are slow today Funny how my time slips away Away and so empty now It's easier to hide My scars behind a veil of nothing Deep inside And I, oh I Wonder how I'll ever find a light To shine in all of this confusion Oh I wish I knew where I went wrong And lost my way I only want to shine Alive inside myself More than just a skin Wanna feel the warmth within I only want to shine Brighter than this grey world More than just a skin I wanna feel the warmth within When all my days seem torn Remind myself that I am in my hands And only I can fix me now I only want to shine...
14.
You are air, you are rain Falling on my eyes Wash away, wash away Smoke in jaded skies All I want, all I want Is the candlelight in me - So alive, so alive - Only to be freed And all the lies inside will unfold And leave my desert garden open wide I'm not afraid of the night On the other side You and I, you and I What amazing lives we lead We are seeds, we are seeds Holding everything And I breathe, now I breathe All the things in you I love So alive, so alive You have shown me that The light unborn inside will awaken And will leave my garden open wide And I'm not afraid of the midnight On the other side I'm not afraid of the night I'm not afraid of the night
15.
Hiding from those empty words Running from the face behind her She turned her back on who she was Escaped into the freedom waiting Into the night And oh the loneliness she found Though she would ever try to hide it Deny her self within him still Through all the angry tears between them She feels She dreams And who will see what she feels If she never shows it? Who will she run to When everything falls down? When will she find the faith To let herself become Someone special in someone else's eyes? And he could see into her mind Make sense of all the twisting whirlwinds And though he tore her up inside Somehow there was sheer delight Between the pieces Now she longs for something that she cannot obtain A fleeting vision of perfection And it would shatter at the slightest touch So better keep it locked away inside She feels She dreams And who will see what she feels If she never shows it? Who will she run to When everything falls down? When will she find the faith To let herself become Someone special in someone else's eyes? Hiding from those empty words Leaving whispers far behind her She turned her back on who she was Escaped into the freedom waiting Into the night.
16.
17.
Sister 04:05
Sister, we are the same inside Listening to all the beauty we can find Searching for the fairytale we feel in every Heartbeat, delicately painted in our eyes You are the flame before it burns Sister, you are the sage before she learns Tumbling through the joy of sweet oblivion Your hands ever open to eternity You show me We are already home You show me Every day we are born Again Sister, you are a new world Stronger, never afraid to give yourself to the Future as it washes you in purpose and potential Ever captive to the freedom that you are You are the page before it turns Sister, you are the flame before it burns You are travelling through the places that I've seen in my Reflection and I know I'm not alone You show me We are already home You show me Every day we are born You show me We are never alone My sister

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A mish mash of songs and instrumental compositions written and recorded between 2003 and 2007.

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released August 7, 2007

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Helen Trevillion England, UK

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